Change is Hard

Today I wrote a long, thoughtful post about change and my views on how and why people change. Then, before I clicked 'Publish Post', I realized that this is supposed to be a blog, not a dissertation and my posts have been a little long-winded lately. So here are the important parts:

If I could summarize what I think therapy is all about with one word, it would be CHANGE.

People don't like change. Change is hard. Change is uncomfortable.

People usually don't change unless they are uncomfortable enough with the way things are. Not just uncomfortable... but uncomfortable enough. You can be uncomfortable and still not want to change because changing could be even more uncomfortable and because change involves the unknown (which is always scary).

And, finally... change is often not as difficult or scary as we imagine it to be. Change is oten necessary. Change is often good.

BRAD'S LAW #32

BRAD'S LAW #32 states: "The outdoor air temperature and relative humidity are inversely proportionate to the temperature at which the water in a post-run shower feels freakin' awesome."

It seems like just the other day I was coming in from a run in 30 degree weather and couldn't wait to get into a hot, steamy shower to let my frozen skin thaw. My fingers were tingling and any exposed skin shone red from the cold. I kept turning to make sure each frozen limb got it's fair share of the hot goodness that spewed from the shower head. The steam-filled bathroom acted as a buffer between my hot shower and the colder bedroom outside. Then a clean t-shirt, sweatshirt, and comfy jeans kept the cold at bay.

This morning, it was about 70 degrees outside and humid. That was enough to leave me dripping with sweat and ready to let the deliciously cold water bring my core temp back down. I stood with my arms braced against the shower wall and just soaked my head under the icy water, feeling myself cool off from the outside in. Today was only 70 and humid. Sunday's run was in the low 90's and humid. It required me to linger even longer under the cold man made waterfall!

Sometimes, when the weather is extreme or the run is really rough, the best part about the whole endeavor is when you get to stop. The post-run shower... sitting under a ceiling fan while you dry off... taking a nap spread out on the floor... feeling so spent from putting in such hard work... enjoying being still and breathing easy... it doesn't get much better!

Wanna Get Away?

Apparently, that's a Southwest Airlines slogan. For some reason, it makes me think of Snickers commercials, but that's not the point. The point is, sometimes you just have to get away for a while. Whether something is weighing on your mind, work has you down, you're feeling overwhelmed by your day-to-day, or you're just in a funk... sometimes the best thing you can do is get a change of scenery and take a break from things. This weekend, that's just what I did.

Friday night Liz and I walked to downtown Eureka for a free concert on Central Ave. A nice walk, a bottle of wine and some good music made for a relaxing night. It was fun watching the little kids playing in the closed off streets too.

Saturday morning, I decided it had been way too long since I had run any shorter races so I picked a 5k in Tower Grove Park. Liz came along and we packed her bike in the Subaru (so roomy!) so she could get a ride in while I ran. I ended up winning the race by a good margin! It was a small race, but it still felt good and it was one of my best 5k times to date.

The plan was to spend the rest of the day building a boat for next week's big race and figure out something entertaining for the evening but we decided to pack up and head to the Lake and build the boat there. It was time to get away for a while.

We spent the rest of the weekend soaking up some sun, spending time with Mom and Rick, eating good food, and cranking out a boat in record time. It was great to lay on the back of the pontoon with my eyes closed and enjoy the hum of the motor and the rocking waves... the hot sun with the occassional cool breeze... so relaxing!!!

BEFORE & AFTER

I think I needed that little bit of time away. We didn't go far and nothing really changed while we were gone, but I felt recharged and ready to face another Monday in the real world. Sometimes you just gotta get away.

Everything Happens For A Reason

There are a lot of things that I can't make up my mind about. For example, do I believe in destiny? How does that fit with Free Will? Is everything pre-determined... part of God's plan? Or are we choosing our own path? Are the two mutually exclusive?

I woke up this morning with a thought in my head: "Everything Happens For A Reason." People say this often. It is mostly used when something happens that we don't like or don't understand. When painful things happen in our lives, we fall back on, "Everything Happens For A Reason." Actually, it's usually a reminder we give to people we care about when painful things happen in their lives. It is much less common for people to remind themselves that things happen for a reason. I think it's because that phrase is rarely comforting when you're in the middle of the pain. When something happens and you're struggling, it's difficult to remember that things always work out for the best... that one day, you'll be glad things have happened this way... that this painful event was a necessary waypoint on your path to some better life. For example: "If I hadn't lost my job, I would have never chased my dream of becoming a fill-in-the-blank." Or: "At the time, getting dumped by Jane Doe felt like my world was going to end. But if she hadn't broken up with me, I never would have met my dream girl." You get the picture.

So, I guess "Things Happen For A Reason" helps when things happen to you. But what about when you make a choice that you end up second-guessing? Is that phrase still as comforting? When the universe hasn't imposed it's will on you, but you actually made a choice and made a decision, do you still feel comforted by a Master Plan? Or do you take a look in the mirror and say, "Things Happened Because I Made A Choice."? And if you start to believe that your life is much more a product of your own choices, not some predetermined destiny, is that scary? Or is it comforting? Do we want control of our lives? Do we want responsibility for our futures? For that matter, do we want responsibility for our past?

There are a lot of things I can't make up my mind about. I go back and forth from one view to another. Today, I'm not so sure "Everything Happens For A Reason". Today, I think things happen because of choices we make. Today, I think we are responsible for navigating our lives and choosing the path we follow. Today, I think we have to take responsibility for the choices that led us to our present. Today, I think our choices shape our future so we can make it what we want it to be.

(Of course, tomorrow I might change my mind.)

Running is Cheaper than Therapy

So, it's been four and a half years since I wrote anything in this blog. So much for staying on top of things! I originally started this blog to give anyone who is interested a little insight into my world. I also thought that getting my thoughts and feelings out and putting them into some tangible form would be therapeutic. I guess that's what brings me back to my blog today. I'm hoping for some kind of cathartic experience.
A lot has happened in my life since I last posted here. I've since been married, bought a house, got a dog, received my professional license, just recently bought a new car (just to name a few). But the change that stands out the most after reading my old posts is that about four months after my most recent blog post, my Dad passed away. My Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2006. It was the most difficult experience of my life and it still affects me in ways that continue to surprise me. I'm writing today because for the past two days, I have been feeling a sadness that I haven't felt since my Dad died four years ago.
It's an unusual feeling of... sorrow. It's like I'm mourning a loss when in reality, I haven't lost anything. Yesterday, I spent most of the day with this painful burning feeling behind my eyes. It's like I need to cry and the tears are aching to escape, but they never come. I felt waves of this overwhelming sadness off and on all day. I know it will pass, but for now, I feel like there isn't much I can do to feel better.
I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says "Running is Cheaper than Therapy" which is pretty ironic considering I'm a Licensed Professional Counselor. But it's true. And for me, it helps. I tell my clients all the time that when you feel there is little you can do to change a situation, focus on the things you can do and spend less time worrying about the things you can't do. So, for the past two days, I've been doing that.
I have the support of my wife, my family, and my friends. They're all amazing and would do anything to help. Last night, they helped without even knowing. We went out for our weekly dinner and it was an unusually large turnout. Lots of good friends eating Mexican and having a laugh. Good therapy!
Before dinner, I mowed the lawn for the first time in almost two weeks. Taking care of my yard, walking peacefully to the loud mower engine, enjoying a cool spring night. Good therapy!
And best of all, after dinner I went for a run. I ran a mile with Liz and then took off to run some hills. Running up a steep hill as fast as you can and then stumbling back down while you try to suck in as much oxygen as you can... only to turn around and run right back up, might be crazy to some people. But for me, it's good therapy! Getting the blood flowing, feeling the burn in your legs and your lungs, reaching the top and thinking that sucking in fresh, live-giving air never felt so good! Then the slow, relaxed jog home with the knowledge that you just made your body stronger... more resilient. Good therapy!
This morning, I woke up feeling a little better but still down. I laced up my old running shoes knowing that it was raining and my new shoes shouldn't be subjected to mud and puddles yet. I took off for a brisk four miles in a light rain. I have to tell you, it was just what the doctor ordered. If I didn't have to go to work, I probably would have kept running until I just couldn't run anymore. But the real world was intruding on my therapy this morning and I had to keep it short. To make up for it, I put on a little speed and returned to the house feeling sufficiently spent. Good therapy!
Some people hear about running as therapy and think that it's a way to run away from your problems. For me, nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, sometimes the best part about a good run is letting your mind wander or letting yourself focus so much on the sound of your breathing, the feel of your stride, the power in your legs, that your mind shuts everything else out. But, more often, when I go for a run, it's not a time to escape my thoughts... it's a time to be alone with them. A time that I can devote to giving my thoughts and feelings the attention they deserve. I work through things on my run. I've let my runs lead me to places within myself that have made me laugh out loud and places that have left me crying my eyes out... all the time, never breaking stride.
Running is Cheaper than Therapy. It should be, "Running is Therapy." And tomorrow, I'll get up and do it all over again.