An Optimist's View of Pessimists

I'm a therapist so I have people sharing their troubles with me daily... it's what I do. The longer I do this work, the more I begin to shape my own philosophy of life. I have frequent, fleeting epiphanies about how the world works and how people operate. One of the things I have been thinking about a lot lately is how so much of our happiness is completely dependent on our expectations.
Now, so much of counseling/psychology seems to be common sense. Someone puts together a theory and presents it and the rest of the world says, "Well, no shit, Sherlock. I could have told you that!" The thing is, most of these people couldn't have told you that. They only identify with what you're telling them and they realize they've know it all along, they just weren't aware of it. Like the fact that so much of our happiness depends on our expectations. It's a simple statement that makes tons of sense. But if people really understood it, and applied it to their lives, most of them would be a lot happier a lot more often. Here's what I mean.
One of my favorite examples is going to see a movie. If everyone you know sees a movie and tells you it's the best thing to ever be put on film and the critics all love it and the previews look great, you get your hopes up, right? You get all excited to go see this movie, you finally have a free night and you're sitting in the theatre as the lights go down and you're thinking, "Finally! This movie is gonna rock!"... Then it's only mediocre. You walk out of that movie thinking it was the biggest waste of two hours and you're pissed you spent $6.50 to see it. You're disappointed beyond belief. Now... if everyone in the world had told you that same movie was awful and not to waste your time and money... then you see it... and it's mediocre... now you're thinking, "Hey, that wasn't so bad. I actually kinda liked it!" And you walk out feeling pretty good about seeing that movie. Same movie... different expectations... different reaction/level of satisfaction and happiness.
The same thing happens with everything in our lives. If you expect a raise and don't get it, you're bitter. If you aren't expecting a raise, obviously you aren't upset if you don't get one. And better yet, if you get an unexpected bonus, you're thrilled.
If you go on a date and you aren't expecting to hit it off and you don't, no skin off your back. If you expect to fall in love at first sight and you don't hit it off, your night is ruined. Same night, different expectations, different reactions.
This works with my clients too. If they expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows and for major life changes to come easily, they are often disappointed and discouraged. However, if they are willing to accept that the road ahead is most likely going to be rough, then every smooth stretch, every inch of progress is something to be grateful for.
I write all of this and it's a paradox because it sounds like I'm advocating for a pessimistic attitude... if you expect the worst all the time, you're never disappointed, only pleasantly surprised. In reality, I'm an eternal optimist and always assume the best, expect good things, and believe miracles can happen. Somehow I'm just able to roll with the punches when my high expectations are not met. Maybe the secret is to believe that great things are possible but not hold your expectations as the way things 'should be'. Maybe we should replace 'expect' with hope. I'm a big fan of hope. If there is anyone who I have a hard time working with, it's people who have lost all hope... they have no reason, no drive to change. But hope is a whole other essay.
I guess I could sum it all up with: I'm an optimist. As an optimist, I can even see the good side of being a pessimist: You're never disappointed, only pleasantly surprised.

Caution: A Little Morbid

So, I've had these mysterious chest pains. This is the third time in a year that I've had them and I'm convinced it's some kind of muscle pull or strain. The first time it happened, I wasn't so convinced. In fact, I thought I was having a heart attack. My chest would tighten up and I couldn't breathe without severe pain. For the first time in my life, I thought, "Huh! This could be it." I went to the emergency room where they ran many tests and said they thought it was either a muscle pull or a rare genetic disease that could lead to my heart exploding. They gave me pain killers and muscle relaxants and sent me home. Comforting, huh? Well, about four days later the pain was gone.
When it happened again three months after that, I went to a doctor instead of the ER. He also ran tons of tests, got worried about my irregular heart beat (that was a shock to both of us) and sent me to another hospital to have an echocardiogram of my heart. It was like when pregnant women see their babies for the first time in a sonogram. "There he is! There's the little guy! Just pumping away! Oh, he looks healthy and strong! No chance he's going to explode in my chest, right?" Right. Nothing wrong with my ticker. It beats a little off sometimes but apparently that's just the way it is... nothing wrong with it, just beating to it's own rhythm... kinda like me!
I tend to think differently than most people when it comes to a lot of things. One of those things is death. I'm really not afraid to die. I've tried to talk about this with my parents but my Mom doesn't want to hear anything about it. She definitely doesn't plan on outliving me and the thought of doing so is horrible to her. So, she would rather ignore the possibility. The first time my chest pains mysteriously came and went, I told some close friends about my views of life and death. I even wrote some 'last requests' on a napkin at happy hour so someone would have them. Here are some of my thoughts on the matter:
I have been truly blessed in life. I'm not a frequent churchgoer but I consider myself religious and I feel close to God. I don't know why, but he's decided to give me more than my fair share of blessings and good luck in life. I don't take this for granted and thank Him often for it. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful, loving family and terrific friends. Beyond that and my health, I don't need much more but I've been given a lot more. More than I could ask for. Now, this isn't to say that my life is perfect. Everyone wants to be better than they are. And I've made my share of mistakes in life. But the thing I'm most proud of is the fact that I can honestly say I have lived my life without regrets. I've made mistakes and bad things have happened but I don't regret any of them because I've learned from every single one and they have shaped the person that I am today. So, if my life were to end suddenly, I could say without hesitation that I would be dying a happy man. I would look back on my life and smile. And on that napkin I wrote how I would want those that remember me to do the same. I hope that my funeral is a celebration of my life. Do whatever you want with my body... bury me, creamate me, stuff me and put me by the mantle for all I care... I'll be off somewhere celebrating the fact that I've lived life to the fullest and doing a little dance.
So to those of you I've been fortunate enough to know well, thank you for making my life something to smile about. Whatever lies ahead for me, I face it with excitement instead of fear. It's amazing what a little chest pain can do for you.

My first post.

Well, a friend of mine sent me a link to her blog sight and I thought it was a pretty cool idea. So, here I am trying to set up one of my own. I don't know if anyone will check it out or if it will just be a place I can go to get my ideas out of my head and into the world. For those of you who do check it out, it should offer some insight into who I am and what I believe. I'm sure it will start slow until I get the hang of this, but I'm excited to get started. So here we go!