Caution: A Little Morbid

So, I've had these mysterious chest pains. This is the third time in a year that I've had them and I'm convinced it's some kind of muscle pull or strain. The first time it happened, I wasn't so convinced. In fact, I thought I was having a heart attack. My chest would tighten up and I couldn't breathe without severe pain. For the first time in my life, I thought, "Huh! This could be it." I went to the emergency room where they ran many tests and said they thought it was either a muscle pull or a rare genetic disease that could lead to my heart exploding. They gave me pain killers and muscle relaxants and sent me home. Comforting, huh? Well, about four days later the pain was gone.
When it happened again three months after that, I went to a doctor instead of the ER. He also ran tons of tests, got worried about my irregular heart beat (that was a shock to both of us) and sent me to another hospital to have an echocardiogram of my heart. It was like when pregnant women see their babies for the first time in a sonogram. "There he is! There's the little guy! Just pumping away! Oh, he looks healthy and strong! No chance he's going to explode in my chest, right?" Right. Nothing wrong with my ticker. It beats a little off sometimes but apparently that's just the way it is... nothing wrong with it, just beating to it's own rhythm... kinda like me!
I tend to think differently than most people when it comes to a lot of things. One of those things is death. I'm really not afraid to die. I've tried to talk about this with my parents but my Mom doesn't want to hear anything about it. She definitely doesn't plan on outliving me and the thought of doing so is horrible to her. So, she would rather ignore the possibility. The first time my chest pains mysteriously came and went, I told some close friends about my views of life and death. I even wrote some 'last requests' on a napkin at happy hour so someone would have them. Here are some of my thoughts on the matter:
I have been truly blessed in life. I'm not a frequent churchgoer but I consider myself religious and I feel close to God. I don't know why, but he's decided to give me more than my fair share of blessings and good luck in life. I don't take this for granted and thank Him often for it. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful, loving family and terrific friends. Beyond that and my health, I don't need much more but I've been given a lot more. More than I could ask for. Now, this isn't to say that my life is perfect. Everyone wants to be better than they are. And I've made my share of mistakes in life. But the thing I'm most proud of is the fact that I can honestly say I have lived my life without regrets. I've made mistakes and bad things have happened but I don't regret any of them because I've learned from every single one and they have shaped the person that I am today. So, if my life were to end suddenly, I could say without hesitation that I would be dying a happy man. I would look back on my life and smile. And on that napkin I wrote how I would want those that remember me to do the same. I hope that my funeral is a celebration of my life. Do whatever you want with my body... bury me, creamate me, stuff me and put me by the mantle for all I care... I'll be off somewhere celebrating the fact that I've lived life to the fullest and doing a little dance.
So to those of you I've been fortunate enough to know well, thank you for making my life something to smile about. Whatever lies ahead for me, I face it with excitement instead of fear. It's amazing what a little chest pain can do for you.